Time For A Talk
Last night I couldn’t sleep… so I started thinking. That’s never a good thing, ’cause then I’ll never get to sleep. I finally went out into the living room because I was scared of disturbing Stuart too much. I eventually fell asleep and that’s where Stuart found me this morning. I think he thought I was upset but that wasn’t it, really!
I went back into the bedroom and a little bit later he came in to check on me. See, he is pretty good about hearing stuff when I tell him straight out. I told him I was fine but he laid down in front of me and hugged me anyways. LOL, so cute. I explained I just simply couldn’t sleep. *shrugs*
He started getting ready for work and all the stuff I was thinking back came back into my head again. Finally as he was leaving for work I asked him to do me a favour… when we have a moment alone (Henry comes in tonight) I asked him to make some time for me so we can have a talk. A real talk where he won’t make fun or change the subject. He’s really good at that. He promised to do so.
So now I have to straighten out everything I wanna talk about. It’s not necessarily bad stuff, just stuff I want him to know and understand. I have a terrible of habit of forgetting everything I mean to say when I get the opportunity tio say it… and I really don’t want to do that this time.
I want to explain this whole “depression” thing. I’m not considered clinically depressed because I’m happy more than I’m upset, and I don’t feel worthless or anything. It’s mainly at night I get down, and the stupidest stuff can cause it. I had a complete nervous breakdown Sunday ’cause there was too much laundry to put away! He’s not at fault for my down mood, actually he makes it better. You wouldn’t know it since I can still get down but I saw how bad it got when he wasn’t here to try to cheer me up… he really makes a difference.
He also needs to understand that I can’t always talk to him about what’s bothering me… I don’t know what’s bothering me a lot of the time. I love that he wants to understand the stupid shit going on in my head but he can’t always do so, sometimes he just needs to sit back and let me be upset for a while.
There’s a lot of other things I want to discuss but I’m not really comfortable posting them online. Hopefully my brother and Henry don’t take over the apartment all weekend!
