A Rose By Any Other Name…

I’m pretty proud of myself right now. Why, you ask? It’s nothing big… but… I have stopped biting my nails! LOL. Seriously, I’ve been trying to stop for over ten years (ever since I started) so this is a great thing for me. I actually have nails… it’s so bizarre. Heh. Yay me.

Stuart is driving me nuts! My roots are showing… and he won’t let me dye my hair. Says he wants to see my true hair colour. I have no problem with my actual hair colour… but it’s so annoying having two toned hair. Thank goodness it grows out fast and I’m only stuck with this for a couple months… or I would be very unhappy.

George Strait had a new cd released today. It’s to accompany his “50 #1’s” which was missing some great hits that never topped the charts. I want it so bad… but can also wait since there’s nothing new. But I have a complete George Strait collection so it is vital I get it eventually. Heh.

Yesterday my mom was all whiney and bitchy ’cause OMG she’s in pain and needs to get to a doctor. Yes, sounds reasonable until you find out she does this ALL THE TIME. See, my mom is addicted to Acetaminophen with codene. When I say addicted I mean she takes well over 50 pills a day. Seriously. She’s also addicted to marijuana, and was using cocaine and such but whether she still is I have no idea. But she can’t understand why I just get a blank stare when she starts telling me how she doesn’t have any pills and can I please lend her $10? (Helllllo, been off work since August!!!)

She convinced my dad to give her a ride to the doctor yesterday. So when Stuart was done cleaning his parents place, which he does every Monday, I took dad’s car back (we had to go the weekend without car insurance.) Dad said he’d give me a ride back since he was leaving anyways… but then we end up going to my mom’s. Eh, whatever… I had no place I needed to be. My brother was at mom’s too… so we go downtown… mom goes into the doctor and dad says he’ll go get some groceries.

So we go into Save On Foods, he gets a cart and then lists off what he needs… “Milk, cream, banannas.”

Yes, that was his whole list. So why the cart? ‘Cause he wanted to buy us some groceries. This is very thoughtful, but we actually have a good deal of food. But… he would not accept this. I said I could use some vegtables… so as I’m grabbing some carrots and celery he goes and gets some meat, and ice cream. ROTFLMAO. He’s one of those “you can’t leave a store without ice cream!” people.

All in all he bought us about $60 in groceries (I should mention my brother eats up here, and helps buy our food too, so this went to all of us). It was very kind, but I can’t figure out his insistence.

And then today he calls my brother… to come pick up all the ingrediants for cookies and lasagna. I’m sorry, did I hear lasagna??? LOL. So excited!!! But seriously… I dunno what’s gotten into my dad lately. This is after he helped pay off my brother’s ICBC debt, and he paid my uncle $6000 dollars for me… so I can start giving my dad monthly installments. Apparently he got some pay-out or something… but good Lord. *shrugs*

Lately I’ve been wanting to do some cross stitch… but my God the kits are expensive. I could just find a pattern and buy the thread, which is what I’ll probably end up doing… but I’m terrible at estimating how much I’ll need. *sigh* Maybe I’ll ask my mom for some for Christmas and/or my birthday. That is if she buys us anything this year… I don’t recall a Christmas present from her last year (I’d be more forgiving if it wasn’t because all the money went to drugs) and I haven’t had a birthday present since I turned 16… an ugly pair of used sweat pants and a book with it’s cover torn off that wasn’t something I’d be interested in anyways. Aww… ain’t I loved?

OK, I think I’m done for now. Least I’m going to make myself be done for now… ’cause I don’t wanna type anymore.

Yesterday when I was doing dishes I got a bad pain in my right hand. This isn’t unusual, I get sudden jolts of pain regularly. This time however, I was holding a rather sharp knife and the pain caused my hand to jerk. Luckily I only got a slight gash on my left arm… it could have been much worse. It stings like an SOB though. Good Lord!!!

Tomorrow I have to go back to the doctor… thank God! I am so sick of this prescription. I feel sick all the time. The only thing that doesn’t make me throw up day after day is the little I eat and Coca Cola. If I don’t keep nursing Coke every day I feel like crap. I HATE IT!!! Especially since I’m not big on drinking soda pop and the likes… and Stuart doesn’t really want it around. *sigh*

My brother goes for his driving test on Hallowe’en. Tuesday night we’ll go trade cars with my dad since he works Wednesday, that way Jeffrey can still do his test in his car. This will be Jeff’s fourth attempt at taking the test. No, he hasn’t failed three times… three times he’s been unable to actually take the test for various reasons. I really hope it works out for him this time.

So many great cd’s have been released lately. Stuart and Jeffrey have been playing Halo for hours and I don’t even care ’cause I have Jeff’s laptop and my iPod! New Josh Turner… Carrie Underwood… Gary Allan… I’m very occupied. Heh. They’re awesome cd’s too. I like Carrie’s much more than I did her first one… Josh is always amazing, and Gary’s isn’t his best but still a great cd.

NaNoWriMo starts in only a few days! I’m actually excited, even though I can’t decide what to write about. I’ll figure it out I’m sure. Jeffrey has agreed to lend me his laptop for the first week of November since Steve will be here. This way I can stay out of the boys’ hair and get massive writing done… it’ll be great. Yes the boys will be loud and I’ll lose massive amounts of sleep again, but since I’m not trying to get through my illness and work this time I think I’ll survive some sleeploss.

I should try to convince Stuart to make some dinner soon… I’m starving. Now, how can I possibly pull him away from the fascinating video game? Hmmm.

I hate Prozac, I hate Prozac, I hate Prozac!!! Oy. Seriously, it was annoying when I first started taking it and it made my stomach and throat burn… but now they burn at random times. I woke up with it this morning. And the only thing that seems to settle it is Coca-Cola. NOT IMPRESSED. Stuart and I don’t keep pop in the apartment so the last couple days I’ve had to make random runs to the store to grab a bottle of coke. Tonight I bought a six pack of ‘em, but ugh. I hate drinking so much soda. I figured it’d be the carbonation but I tried Sprite and GingerAle and neither of those did the trick, has to be Coke.

Oh, and I thought my energy was back but I was wrong. The last couple days I’ve kind of found myself dragging around. Today it’s like I can’t really focus on anything unless I’m reading. I tried to watch tv… nope… play the Wii… uh huh… even just talking to Stuart I get this dazed look and can’t concentrate. It’s driving me mad. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

Yesterday I got up fairly early and stayed up late, so I managed to sleep until six am this morning. It’s only like four hours, but that’s twice as long as normal. But not getting a full night’s sleep is really starting to take it’s toll. Two hour increments do not do it, seriously. Try it, set your alarm… cell phone… watch… whatever to go off every two hours and see how you feel tomorrow morning.

I’m also in the weirdest mood. I can be kind of blah and then the littlest thing can piss me off or cheer me up. Like earlier Stuart was doing… I dunno, something, and I just got really upset. Didn’t help that I started doing the dishes and picking crap up and putting laundry away when I felt like I was going to pass out the entire time. And really Stuart didn’t do anything wrong… :\ Then just now he asks me if I’m good at puzzles… and yeah, I’m alright. He’s playing a video game… there’s three symbols (they’re actually trees, but this is not important) ok? Now there’s a grid 3 x 3 with these symbols… you take one away and it, along with the ones touching it change. You need to get all nine the same symbol. He tried forever and could not do it… so I go over to try and he gets up to tidy up the kitchen a little while I do so… manages to take pot from stove to sink and then I’m done. Hehehehe. That cheered me up more than you could ever imagine. It’s always the little things.

Now all I want is a hug from Stuart. It’s so random and bizarre that crap I feel at times. I’m so glad Stuart is so understanding.

But ugh, one week until I go back to the doctor. You better believe he’s getting an earfull!!

Ha! I just got a phone call from Stuart at work. He phoned just to complain that I passed him in TV trivia on Facebook. See, this is why I love him. That’s just too freaking cute. LMAO.

Speaking of phone calls… everybody decided to phone this morning while I was in bed! At 2:30 in the morning Henry’s dad phoned (he’s in Scotland and didn’t think about the time difference). Then just after Stuart left for work the phone kept ringing, but since the bedroom phone was in the living room from Henry’s phone call earlier I ignored it. Blah. At noon I hear my brother come in so I get up, and Jeffrey is here with Devon and my dad. And they brought me a bubble tea!

When dad left Jeff pointed out that he had left me something on the counter. I look… there’s a letter that went to his place… and a $25 gift card for Save on Foods. NICE. We have food and all, but still… nice. LOL. ‘Specially since we seem to feed the boys when they’re here… and that’s a lot of food. They eat more than Stuart!

Yesterday my medication caused a nosebleed that last three and a half hours. So not cool. If that happens again I’m going straight back to the doctor because so far all they’ve done is give me a little more energy. I’m still not sleeping well, still sore and feeling bruised, still irritable (actually I may be less so now come to think of it.) Since taking the pills I’ve become fidgity and agitated though. I’m not a happy camper.

1. Have you had your birthday yet? Yes, it’s in the first couple weeks of the year.
2. Are you with the same person as you were at the beginning of 2007? I wasn’t with anyone at the beginning of the year, but I’m still with the only person I’ve been with in 2007.
3. Are you still in the same job? Kinda, currently I’m not working but I’m still employed there.
4. Is your favorite color the same color? Yup.
5. Have you got the same style/colour hair? Umm… pretty much I guess. I usually keep it dyed with a red tint and then straight… it’s probably a little shorter.
6. Have you bought a new car this year? No.
7. Anything exciting happen this year? Oh yeah.
8. Have you been involved with the police this year? Other than phoning in drunk drivers from work, no.
9. Favorite all time drinking place for 2007? Didn’t really drink this year.
10. Is your best friend still your best friend? Yup!
11. Got any tattoos or piercings this year? Yes, got a cartiledge piercing in my right ear… but it came out the other day and I can’t get it back in.
12. Had a haircut? Yes.
13. Been in a hospital this year? Yup, few times.
14. Lost someone you cared about this year? No.
15. Been on a vacation this year? Not really, no.
16. Been in love this year? Yup, and it gets stronger every day. (Ugh, so cliche)
17. Fallen out of love this year? Nope.
18. Been kicked out of a pub this year? Nope.
19. Completed any studies this year? No.
20. Read any books? Tons.
21. Worst thing to happen this year? This illness doctors can’t diagnose.
22. Best thing to happen this year? Stuart.
23. How many times have you gotten drunk? None.
24. Has this year been a good one so far? Despite being sick it’s been a very good year, I’m happier than I’ve ever been.

Yesterday I was in a pretty crappy mood when Stuart got home. I’d just finished cleaning up the apartment… Friday mornings the boys go out to work so Henry brings his dirty dishes out of his room and what not. It’s so disgusting. Those boys have never heard of rinsing dishes! So it took me forever to get that stuff clean, and I was in more pain than ever so I was grouchy.

When Stuart came in I didn’t really look up from what I was reading on the computer screen, so he could tell I wasn’t in a great mood. He asked me what was wrong, if I was mad at him, sore or what. I said I was just kind of frustrated. So he comes over and puts this thing of flowers beside me and asks if that’ll make me feel better.

…

Yeah, that could do it. LOL. They’re miniature roses, kinda cute. LOL. And there wasn’t really any reason for him to do it so that’s always nice. He’s always doing sweet things for no reason though. One time I asked if we had any chocolate because I was craving some, but we didn’t so I just shrugged it off. All of a sudden he was gone and came back with some chocolate covered peanuts for me. LOL. So random.

Oh, and he deleted all his porn off the computer. I didn’t even ask him to do that… I never said stop looking at porn, I just said cut down on it. But no, he deleted it all. LOL. He didn’t even blink when he did so.

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I do not understand why so many people turn to drugs. Joe Nichols has now entered a rehab facility for substance abuse. *shakes head* I guess maybe it’s because I grew up surrounded by drugs and what not and have seen the consequences… but I just don’t see the appeal. They take all your money, change your personality (never for the better), and really just ruin your lives. It cliche, but seriously, don’t do drugs.

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As I mentioned above the pain has gotten to it’s worse point. I can barely move because all my muscles stiffen up. The pain is incredible. It’s like I’ve been beaten repeatedly with a baseball bat. Everything feels bruised and sore… it’s insane. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow so I’m hoping he’ll be able to do something, preferably without drugging me up. The Prozac has seemed to give me more energy… but it doesn’t help me sleep at all so my body feels tired but I feel awake. It’s insane, I hate it.

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Thank God it’s Saturday! That means yesterday the new Stargate Atlantis aired. Hehe. I’ve already downloaded it and am currently converting it to my iPod. Every Saturday night Stuart and I curl up and watch SGA. Good times. I wonder what we’ll do next weekend since we’ve already seen that episode… silly iTunes giving out the wrong episode!

OK, so I’m fairly certain I just posted an entry talking about how my moods are a little whacked, but how I’m not depressed. I mean I get down sometimes, but I have good moods too. And whatever.

Today I went to the doctor. My doctor was back, ’cause he was on vacation back in August and a different doctor diagnosed hypothyroidism. Well my doc looks at my test results and says there’s no indication of hypothyroidism. WHAT????? He asked how the month with the Synthroid was and I told him I saw no change so he stopped that. So what did he prescribe this time you ask?

Prozac.

Yup, the anti-depressant. He never said I was depressed, but that’s what he wrote on my EI form. He said there was something else he would have prescribed but it increases your appetite, so he figured this was a better route. Fair enough. And if it helps then I’m all for it ’cause God knows I want to get back to work… Hell I just want my energy back! But at the same time it’s… I don’t know. I don’t really want to go to Stuart tonight when he gets home and tell him we need to go pick up my prescription for PROZAC, you know?

Oh, and I looked up Prozac on Wikipedia ’cause I like knowing what I’m putting in my body. It says, “Fluoxetine {Prozac} is generally well tolerated.” Well that’s good, but then it goes on to list the common side effects….

• Akathisia
• Anxiety
• Asthenia
• Headache
• Flu syndrome
• Fever
• Vasodilatation
• Nausea
• Diarrhea
• Dry mouth
• Dyspepsia
• Insomnia
• Nervousness
• Somnolence
• Dizziness
• Tremor
• Sweating
• Dilated pupils
• Heartburn
• Seizures
• Hives
• Rash

Uh… right. As if I wasn’t bothered beforehand that I’d be taking something that messes with my brain chemicals! Ugh.

In other news Stuart royally fucked up the other day. He had a profile on an online dating site, which I was aware of. However, the other day a friend brought to my attention again and when I took a look… he had updated it! Yeah, not impressed.

I wasn’t mad because I know Stuart enough to know he wasn’t really doing anything on the site… but at the same time it hurt. A lot. And when he got home I had originally wanted to yell and scream… but that’s not me… and like I said, I wasn’t mad. So in the end I just couldn’t speak to him at all. He thought I was upset because he had come home at 1:30 to get the car for his dentist appointment because something happened at work and he couldn’t take his bosses. Well he was PISSED, even punched the wall. He thought he’d freaked me out, but he hadn’t. That didn’t bother me really, I mean he took it out on the wall, not me.

So he wanted to know what he did but I told him point blank, the way I was feeling I couldn’t take him turning it into a joke, or even worse giving me the silent treatment like he usually does. He promised he wouldn’t, not this time, so I told him. His response? “I’m sorry for hurting you.” And then he said he didn’t really have anything more he could say.

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. I’m smart enough to know Stuart can’t come up with stuff off the top of his head so I thought I’d give him some time, figured he’d realize what he needed to say. But no, I got absolutely nothing. Now I was mad.

Yesterday when he got home from work I asked if I was going to get a real apology? I asked him if he had realized he needed to say something. He went out. *shrugs* He was only gone for about half an hour… came home with some groceries so I can’t complain there. He watched Walk The Line with me, ’cause I’d put it on to cheer me up… and then he finally apologized. Not for hurting me, which is all fine and good, but for what he actually did. And then he assured me he wasn’t looking for somebody else, wasn’t leaving, etc. The stuff deep down I knew, but after something like this needed to hear, ya know?

In the end I had to egg him on to say it but I’m glad I didn’t have to tell him what to say. And he deleted the profile without blinking afterwards which made me feel better. I mean like I said I know he wasn’t doing anything wrong, probably just killing time, but he obviously hadn’t taken my feelings into account at all which hurt….

See, now if that can’t make me depressed why the fuck am I on Prozac???

Oh, and when he went out yesterday he got a points card for the Wii, which he hid from me. After I went to bed he downloaded Super Mario 64, Pac Man and Yoshi… all games I would love to play. That was kind of sweet.

Back at the end of June Stuart’s friend Steve was up for a couple weekends. He brought along his Nintendo Wii at one point and Stuart couldn’t stop talking about how much he wanted one. So Jeffrey, my mom and I started conspiring THEN to get him a Nintendo Wii for his birthday (which is October 8th). Unfortunately with my being off work and what not I didn’t think it would happen… but I got a phone call yesterday from my brother. He was on his way home from work and stopped in Courtenay to pick up the Wii, and said I could pay him back in increments over the next little bit! And my dad went down to pick Jeffrey up at WalMart, and when he saw what Jeff was doing he insisted on getting a game and an extra controller as well.

Jeffrey texts me last night to come downstairs ALONE so I did, and he showed me what they got. I was so excited for Stuart to get it, and Jeffrey was too so there was NO WAY we could possibly wait until Monday! Now I’ve been dropping hints for the last little bit about the gift… saying there was a few people going in on it together… and I told him not to spend his PayPal stuff until after his birthday ’cause he might need it for other stuff… and I told him we had to get it in Courtenay….

Well I come back upstairs and ask him if he wants his birthday present. He tried to shrug it off saying “Sure”, but he’d already said he was excited so I know he was playing. LOL. So I tell Jeff to come in, and of course it’s not wrapped so he comes in holding the Wii box… Stuart almost fell off his chair! HEHEHE. He could not believe it. It was so awesome to see his reaction. Hehe.

I asked him later if he really didn’t know what he was getting and he said he had no clue. He thought we were getting him a rare Transformer or something, he never thought we would get him something like these. He runs himself down a little too much sometimes… doesn’t believe people love him enough to do something like this. But I was so excited to get him something he really wanted there was no way I was going to settle for anything less!

I am surprised my dad pitched in as much as he did… but at the same time not really. LOL.

Poor Stuart is still at work! He had to go in an hour early today, and then came home at four to change and headed back out. They’re doing inventory at the Mazda dealership. When they did it at Honda he was home a little after ten so I imagine he’ll be home soon.

Just after I woke up today I get a phone call from him… just checking in to see if I was downloading the new Stargate Atlantis episode. Hehe. He doesn’t phone from work often, but when he does it’s usually for a really random reason. He’s just so cute. And I got him addicted to Stargate Atlantis, which makes me happy. Except now Carson is gone… not sure how I’ll accept this new season yet.

So yesterday I thought I was doing pretty good. I didn’t feel sick, I had some energy (not a lot by about eight at night), and nothing hurt too much… just my back was stiff. Well Stuart gave me a back rub last night which helped with that stuff, but every touch felt like I was being beaten with a baseball bat. I just don’t understand it. Is it a nerve problem? Is it my skin? It’s just so weird.

For example, I’m sitting crosslegged right now. The spot on my left leg where the right leg crosses it HURTS. Feels like I have a three hundred pound steel bar resting on it. Like what the hell??? Lately I have been spending most of the day in my pajamas unless I’m going out or someone is coming over because my jeans and bra are painful to wear. I really, really hate this.

Sometimes I just want to curl up and cry because I feel so useless. I mean I can’t do anything it seems. I can’t leave the apartment without someone with me really. If I went for a walk alone I would end up exhausted and unable to get back. If I was driving alone and exhaustion hit… well that could have very bad outcomes. So I’m trapped here day after day with nothing except the internet and my iPod, and the continuous amount of dishes that pile up.

I’m really starting to hate this whole being sick thing. Besides Stuart no one really understands. My mom still thinks I should help her move, Amanda says I’m lazy for still being off work… I don’t know how much more I can really take.

The only good news I have is with all of this my moods still aren’t as bad as they were. Always nice when depression isn’t thrown into the mix as well!

Someone uploaded this new reality show called “Nashville” so I checked it out ’cause Jamey Johnson was mentioned. He wasn’t in the pilot episode (I don’t think he’s really in it much) but it was still a good show. It follows all these people as they try to become famous country singers and what not. My favourite is most definitely Chuck Wicks. He has this new song out called “Stealing Cinderella”. It’s not featured on the show, too recent I think, but I found it on YouTube and man is it ever something. I guess this means he’s been picked up by a label (the pilot had one label really interested in him) so that’s cool. I’m going to post the lyrics at the bottom of this post… but first I have some other things to share.

I caught a cold from Stuart’s son. No biggie, mostly a sore throat… but I have more energy. Seriously. Yesterday I had to be up at about ten because we had an apartment inspection, and I managed to do a full day. I went to bed around twelve last night and I wasn’t exhausted! Today I slept until about noon but I wasn’t groggy when I got up like I would usually be. It’s just really weird. I don’t know if it’s actually related but the timing is funny, and nothing else has happened to really change my energy levels. It’s so bizarre.

Last night we had to take Jeffrey to mom’s to get some stuff since mom moves at the end of the month. Well she started ranting ’cause she needs help moving and I said I can’t. She goes on to say it’s seventeen stairs up to the apartment and she needs help bringing the couches up! I stared at her and she went on to say I could at least help with the small stuff.

OK, the seventeen stairs will probably take everything out of me on a single trip and she expects me to go up and down? And there’s no point arguing with her ’cause she won’t hear it. Luckily Stuart just firmly stated, “She shouldn’t do anything except rest.” She still tried to argue the whole helping with small things but Stuart just stated, “She’ll be spending that day on the couch.” LOL.

He’s so protective. Mom finally agreed he was right too… thank God. I really couldn’t do it. And thank God Stuart is so understanding. I absolutely hate how I’m not able to really do anything but he never complains. Well he does, ’cause he says I don’t let him help me enough. If I’m exhausted but thirsty I get up and make my way to the kitchen for a drink… but I have to hold onto walls and what not to stay up. He keeps telling me to ask him to get me the drink or whatever but I hate that idea… sitting on the couch being all, “Stuart can you bring me this? That?” I mean he works hard every day he should be able to rest when he gets home.

His birthday is coming up on the 8th of October. Jeffrey and I are getting him something I know he’ll love so I’m getting excited. I think we may give him a birthday dinner and what not on the 4th since Jeff won’t be in for his birthday. Plus there’s a dinner planned at his parents the night of his birthday (which also happens to be Thanksgiving) so this way he can have one here too… with an Optimus Prime cake of course. LOL.

Stealing Cinderella
by Chuck Wicks

I came to see her dad
To sit down man to man
It wasn’t any secret
I’d be asking for her hand
I guess that’s why he left me waiting
In a living room by myself
With at least a dozen pictures of her
Sitting on a shelf

She was playing Cinderella
She was ridin’ her first bike
Bouncin’ on the bed
And lookin’ for a pillow fight
Runnin’ through the sprinklers
With a big popcicle grin
Dancin’ with her dad
Lookin’ up at him
In her eyes I’m Prince Charmin’
But to him I’m just some fella
Ridin’ in
Stealing Cinderella

I leaned in towards those pictures
To get a better look at one
When I heard a voice behind me say
Ain’t she somethin’ son
I said yes she’s quite a woman
And he just stared at me
And I realized that in his eyes
She would always be

She was playing Cinderella
She was ridin’ her first bike
Bouncin’ on the bed
And lookin’ for a pillow fight
Runnin’ through the sprinklers
With a big popcicle grin
Dancin’ with her dad
Lookin’ up at him
In her eyes I’m Prince Charmin’
But to him I’m just some fella
Ridin’ in
Stealing Cinderella

He slapped me on the shoulder
Then he called her in the room
When she put her arms around him
That’s when I could see it too

She was playing Cinderella
She was ridin’ her first bike
Bouncin’ on the bed
And lookin’ for a pillow fight
Runnin’ through the sprinklers
With a big popcicle grin
Dancin’ with her dad
Lookin’ up at him
If he gives me a hard time
I can’t blame the fella
I’m the one who’s stealing
Cinderella

I actually got an apology! I don’t know what happened, but Sunday Stuart’s son was here. At one point I went out to fill the car with gas, and when I came back Stuart said he was sorry. All I could think was, “Great… what did you do now?” But that night when we went to sleep he apologized again… and I said that that’s all fine and good, but unless he understands why I was upset (and by Sunday something else had happened that I won’t share on here) it doesn’t really do much. But he listed off most of the things he did wrong… I was impressed.

He didn’t know what else had happened, but I didn’t expect him to. So he let me explain what was going on. Finally.

A friend asked me one day if the relationship is worth it, what with how insensitive Stuart can be. And it is…. I realize I rant about him a lot, but really it’s a way to let me get it all out. I would prefer to go off on my blog or to a friend than to yell at him, ’cause I don’t like doing that. I like to rationally talk things out. And he’s really good about listening…. He never gets the attitude that I’m always mad so why should he try or anything. I’m a fairly patient and fair person so when he pushes me that far… he wants to know what he did. And he really does work on doing better, it’s just going to take a lot more time.

He needs to work on the silent treatment though, ’cause I’m sick of getting it. He knows that too ’cause that was one of the first things he mentioned in his list of apologies. Gotta get him making some decisions too… I don’t understand why everything comes down to me. :\

Physically I’m doing… I dunno how I’m doing. The wisdom teeth never hurt too bad, the pills were more brutal than anything. But when the pain killers ran out I did start getting this pressure in my jaw that is really uncomfortable, but I imagine that’ll go away soon. Worse though, is my neck, shoulders and back feel completely bruised. Like my whole body always feels bruised but this is really sensitive. Stuart blew on my back the other night and it hurt! And laying on a pillow or anything hurts… basically having something touch my neck and back means pain, and how do you sleep without something there. Even flat on a mattress that’s touching!

So I’m not getting much sleep. And yesterday I was exhausted. I’ve never felt like that before. I got a little sleep last night but I was still up every couple hours… I really hate this!

Another week and I go back to the doctor, hopefully this time they can do something that works!