A Rose By Any Other Name…

I can’t do this alone, why can’t anyone understand that? For a month I asked Stuart to help me with the spare bedroom but nothing got done. Then days before he leaves it’s decided we’re getting a room mate on Tuesday… the day after he gets back. So now I have to spend the whole week he’s away trying to clean it up even though it’s all his stuff. And all heavy stuff.

I have no strength and I feel like no one really understands that. I know I’m trying to downplay it all but when I couldn’t open a bottle of water or hold a pen I thought surely Stuart must have understood. But he doesn’t seem to. I know I need to just smack him and tell him ’cause he sucks and interprutting anything, but sometimes I don’t want to have to do that. I just want him to be there for me before it gets to the point that I need him.

And my brother and his friend Henry, who’s the room mate we’re getting, got in yesterday. They work at an oyster farm. So they came and stayed over here so they could help me get the room ready, but this morning when I woke up they fucked off and I haven’t heard from them since. They leave first thing Friday and I just know they’ll do the same thing today.

So I’ve been trying to get some stuff together and of course I slammed my broken arm into something. I dunno even what it was, but it was the first time I really even felt my arm was broken. And boy did I feel it. It hurts so much right now.

And now I’m sitting here with tears burning my eyes. I really should just curl up in my comfy Canuck blanket and cry, but I can’t do it. I have too much… of something to give in to a complete breakdown.

And my friend is going off about something I do not care about on MSN. She knows my mood right now but sometimes she just starts to get into her own thing and then it’s like whatever I’m feeling doesn’t matter ’cause the world revolves around her anyways. I was seriously so tempted to tell her to just shut the fuck up.

And people keep telling me I should tell Stuart I broke my arm. Why??? I’ve only spoken to him once since he left and that was because I couldn’t find a cord for the printer. It was a short conversation based completely on that one fact. He was online once but I missed him ’cause I was out doing whatever the fuck I was doing yesterday. And for some reason I really don’t want to text him and be like, “So, hey, I like… broke my arm.” Not cool. I mean what can he do about it except get in a shitty mood that it’s partly his fault for leaving me with all this crap to do. And I really don’t want him in a bad mood.

I want him here. I want to be able to act all depressed and try to push him away when he asks what’s wrong until he wraps his arms around me and just lets me cry. That’s the mood I’m in right now.

And if you’re at all curious why I don’t text him, or e-mail him or whatever… it’s simple. I don’t want to appear clingy. I don’t think I’m at all a clingy girlfriend but a couple weeks ago I was upset at Stuart and his mom asked if it was because I couldn’t go with him to Calgary. So obviously she sees me as clingy for whatever fucked up reason. She’s met me twice for only moments each time, I don’t think she can really judge that. And since Stuart had to DRAG ME along those times I can’t see how it came across as clingy, but whatever.

I had to go to the bank today, and then to my mom’s, and my dad’s, and then finally the hospital for more tests. It’s been a long day. And a complicated one.

I came home to grab my blood work sheet and I was exhausted as I left again. Outside there’s some concrete steps and as I was going up… I simply didn’t have the strength to do so. And fell. Hard.

Luckily I was headed to the hospital anyways. A guy from the building behind us jumped off his balcony… seriously… he was only about ten feet up, but still. He came and helped me up and to my car, which was through the building and down two flights of stairs, and then he tried insisting on coming with me but I figured I’d be hanging around the hospital for, like, ever since I needed lab work so I told him I’d be fine.

I went to the lab first since I wanted to get everything done and luckily got in right away. Got that taken care of then they took me into the ER so I didn’t have to wait. Yay. Doc came in, I explained everything that’s going on. Since they’re testing for Cushing’s… which is looking very much like the problem… he insisted on X-rays ’cause Cushing’s can cause bones to break easier.

Well I have a fracture in my left arm… about two inches away from the elbow. He said I likely hit my elbow, since it’s also sprained, and the pressure caused a weak spot to fracture. Fantastic.

It actually doesn’t hurt much but it’s really bruised and swollen. I don’t have a cast ’cause of the location… it would have to go around the elbow. Instead I have a tensor bandage.

Oh but there’s more. I also sprained my left knee and managed an awesome black eye. ‘Cause I rule. The black eye isn’t too, too bad… make up will cover it all up I think. The knee hurts like a son of a bitch though.

And this is only the first day without Stuart. If he’d been here I would have had him with me if I was that exhausted.

I told you this would be a long week.

He phoned earlier ’cause I texted him about the printer… I couldn’t find the adapter. I thought he’d just text me back… when he phoned I didn’t want to pick up. Not ’cause it was him, I just didn’t feel like answering the phone. I did that earlier too… I was watching Numb3rs and I heard the phone ring and I just told myself it was in the show. I don’t even know who it was that phoned. I don’t care. Says Gregory Cox… I know no one by that name. *shrugs*

Anyways… when he phoned… I didn’t tell him about the incident today. I mean why upset him? He can’t do anything. He’ll be pissed when he gets home and finds out I didn’t tell him though. *shrugs*

In better news I got my hair cut yesterday and I dyed it burgandy brown today. It looks awesome.