A Rose By Any Other Name…

Poor Stuart. This morning the computer f*cked up on him so he turned it off and left for work. When I went to reboot it it couldn’t find an operating system. *head desk* I text him about it and he came home on his lunch break (which is only half an hour long) to fix it for me. That wasn’t why I had sent him the text, I just wanted him to know what was up in case he’d need to check something online before coming home. But he came and fixed it… ’cause he’s a sweetheart. He just won’t admit that.

Then after he left he phoned… he couldn’t have been back at work for five minutes. He was asking questions like “Do we need to do shopping tonight?” and stuff. Sounded odd. I can’t really explain what I mean by that, it was just an out of the blue call for what seems like a non-important reason, and the way he sounded…. Guess I’ll find out when I pick him up at 5:30. I think I’ll give him the option of just going home, we can switch my car over and everything tomorrow night. : Maybe he wants to go out with a friend? I dunno… I shall see.

Lately I’ve been feeling my moods going back to crap. The past week or so they’ve been alright, not great but I wasn’t real irritable or anything… but the last couple days I seem to be going back to that. I really don’t want to… poor Stuart is almost always on the wrong end of my bad moods. I hate taking little things out on him and then it makes me feel worse because I did. I can not win. I’ve really been trying, but I haven’t gotten much sleep the last few days so I’m sure that’s not helping.

Actually I think I need to see a doctor about my sleeping habits. I try to stay away from caffiene and everything, but still I can not sleep. Sometimes it’s so bad I have no chance unless I take one of my flexorals… which knock me right out. I’m scared to do that too much though so that’s really a last resort. And even when I do take one of my pills I wake up every two hours. WTF??? I can not remember the last time I had a full nights sleep!

My brother and Henry get in tonight. *sigh* They always seem to take over my apartment when they’re here. I don’t mind Henry so much, I mean he pays rent. And I don’t mind my brother either… it’s just… I don’t know. I like my space. They’re not too, too bad… they’re out most of the time. I just need to suck it up and realize they may watch a movie or two while they’re here.

In only five days I get to go to Vancouver! That should help my moods a lot… even if I am stressed about money. I’m thinking I’ll mention that I’m going to my dad ’cause then he’ll say I should stop in to see grandma. I really can’t afford any extra detours, so he may donate a little to the cause. I would like to see her. Knowing dad he has her worried sick about me… she probably thinks I’m dying.

And Keith Urban!!! He’s the whole reason for the very short Vancouver trip (go over Sunday afternoon, come home Monday morning). A friend over on LiveJournal and I are going to the show… I’m so stoked. It was over two years ago when I saw him in Grande Prairie and then Edmonton. Unfortunately I’m not big on his new cd… so hopefully he still does plenty from his first three. And OMG I will die if he does “Desiree”! He did it at the Edmonton show so I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Oh, and it seems worth noting… Stuart is again clean shaven. *sigh*

Last night Stuart was, I guess, having a really restless night. He insisted on sleeping between the middle and MY edge of the bed, which is usually fine. He does that… wants to cuddle in his sleep. I think it’s adorable. But last night I went to roll over and he like flipped out at me. (Remember, he’s asleep.) He started swearing and stuff, it was weird. I tried to put my hand on him to calm him down and he smacked it away. Then anytime I bumped into him, which happened often since he was RIGHT THERE, he would hit away that… but he’s asleep so he’s not really coordinated. He grabbed my left arm at one point, and kneed me in the side at another.

Truth be known it probably wouldn’t have caused much damage, except all my pain is like times ten right now. I was in a lot of pain this morning. When I told him why he felt soooo bad too. *sigh* Tonight I think I’ll build a pillow fortress… hahaha. Seriously, not his fault but it did suck.

It is so nice to be able to update my iPod again. And now I can add themes and stuff. And I’m totally addicted to Cubis!!!!! But yeah, in the last day I’ve added the new Kenny Chesney and Reba cd’s, and every episode of Stargate Atlantis… and every episode of South Park. All ten seasons, seriously. That’s for Stuart.

I’m also converting the first season of Supernatural ’cause it seems like a good show, I just never had the opportunity to really get into it. I don’t know if I can accept the one guy as anyone besides Dean from the Gilmore Girls though. We’ll see.

My life seems so boring and pointless lately. I have nothing to do. I’m looking out the window right now… it’s such a beautiful day. The ocean looks relaxing, the temperature is good. I want nothing more than to go for a walk, but I can’t. I’ll get like a block, two if I’m lucky, down the road and be exhausted. Then I’ll have to turn around and climb all the stairs back up to the apartment. My body can’t do it. I HATE THAT!!! I want the muscle aches to go away, now. I don’t want to do this whole balancing crap. I want to go back to work, I want to be able to walk a good bit without feeling tired and sore, I want to sit at a computer for more than ten minutes without hurting. Hell, I want to be able to sleep beside Stuart on one of his restless nights and not end up sore and stiff!!!

I hate the weird moods I keep getting. It takes very little to make me upset, but it doesn’t take a lot to cheer me up at time either. The other morning… Tuesday I believe, I was exhausted in the morning. Made no sense to me since I was alright Monday and I actually got a decent amount of sleep. But no, I was so tired. I heard Stuart’s phone go off ’cause usually he works Tuesday, but he had this week off, but I could not bring myself to move in the least! Then about an hour and a half later I was woken up again, this time by Stuart’s beard/stubble. He was getting up but before he did he’d rolled over and given me a kiss on the cheek. No reason why… I mean he thought I was asleep so it obviously wasn’t for my benefit. That put me in a very good mood that day.

All week I’ve been in a lot of pain. My upper back and shoulders absolutely kill. They burn, and are stiff, and I can’t really lift my arms. I hate it. And it really hurts. Stuart tries to rub it but either it’s rather numb and I can’t feel him doing so, or it’s really sensitive and him touching it kills me. I simply can not win.

I wish my mother would stop thinking of me as a freaking taxi-cab. She’s always calling me for rides, and she’s quite a ways away from me so she expects me to drive all the way out there, drive here around, and then drive all the way back. WTF??? And the other night she had me run her downtown then Burt had to go “somewhere”. Turned out he was doing a fucking drug run. I was so pissed. My mom knows I don’t want to be put in that position. I don’t run her drugs and I don’t run her around drugs so she can buy them. I WAS SO FUCKING MAD!!!

In better news Kenny Chesney’s album is really good. I wasn’t the biggest fan of his last few albums but this one seems a lot better. His voice sounds good and clear, the music content is solid and… there’s a duet with George Strait! You can’t lose with the King on your album ya know? But seriously, awesome cd. And having the ability to put it on my iPod made my year. Seriously. I missed updating my iPod with all the various crap!!!

OMG! I’m adding music to iTunes on the new computer… so sometime soon I can actually update my iPod! It hasn’t been updated since June. I’m so excited!!!!! I’ve missed adding new music to my iPod, it’s so beautiful and so empty.. It’s an 80GB and I’m not even using half. Booo.

I have come to realize that to the people in my life I’m not as important as iguana’s, asshole french men, computers, cigarettes, pot, alcohol and the likes. I hate it. How come nobody can just think about me for once?

I can’t remember the last time I was so mad at someone, but Stuart is being a complete jerk. I have told him a million times that I do not want a computer in the living room. I see no reason why we need two computers. I take up maybe half a gig on this one, I certainly don’t go through his stuff and I never use it when he’s home. But still he insists he needs his own computer.

So what does he do? He starts setting up the computer in the corner of the living room. Oh I lost it! I was so upset. So he goes out on the balcony and gives me the silent treatment for three hours. Yeah, real nice. Then he comes in and I moved the futon and tv around so he could set it up in this one spot if he felt he needed to that badly, but now I hate the living room all over again. I worked so hard to get the apartment the way I like it and now there’s this big clunky thing in the middle of the living room. UGH!

When he came in he had gotten what he wanted so he acted like everything was fine… but it’s not. I really do not see a need for two computers, and when we get another desk where the fuck is it going to go??? He just will not listen to me.