A Rose By Any Other Name…

Last night I felt like crap. For no reason. It’s really hard to explain but sometimes I’m just depressed. It is a symptom of hypothyroidism… so yeah. I’m usually fine during the day and get worse as the night goes on. Like yesterday. Stuart and I were watching Jack & Bobby and I was trying to tell him that there was fucked up stuff in my head but he just wasn’t clueing in to how serious I was.

I was getting really frustrated… he just wouldn’t hear what I was saying. I kept trying to tell him until we went to bed… then I said something and he made a joke about it. Oh, I was so pissed. I got up, dressed and left. Slammed the door and just walked away. Of course with my muscles and all right now I couldn’t get far. *sigh* And had to come home. I was probably gone half an hour. I came in expecting him to be asleep but he’d stayed up…. I went and laid down on the couch and he came over and just held me for a bit.

Finally he went to bed and I followed. I wanted to just cry but I kept it in. I wanted to yell at him for being so ignorant and clueless, but I didn’t.

See… my moods are better when he’s around but they still go up and down. Sometime’s I just want him to pause whatever he’s doing for two seconds and come over and put his arms around me. Seriously, that really does make me feel better. I don’t need him to understand why I’m upset, I don’t understand it, I just need him to be there for me.

Last night I laid there for about ten minutes thinking about that and finally worked up the courage to ask him to put his arms around me. I didn’t think he would… he was mad ’cause he didn’t know why I was mad and everything… but he did. He rolled over and held me tight. Awww.

This morning I tried explaining it best I could and I think he kind of understands. He’s really protective so when he realized how I was and how he wasn’t helping with his jokes I think he felt bad. I don’t want him to feel bad!

He did do everything he could to cheer me up this morning, and it worked! He has this pair of boxer shorts that has snowmen on them, but they look like mushrooms. Seriously, first time I saw him wear ‘em I was like, “Why are you wearing mushrooms???” Haha. I hate them. He got three new pairs of boxers in Calgary so I was trying to convince him he could lose a pair last night but he said no. But this morning when he got out of bed he was like, “OK, are you watching???” And when I looked up he ripped them in half. YEEESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!

I love that boy!

Last night I went to Tim Horton’s to have coffee with Aliesha but unfortunately she was running late and I was exhausted… and Stuart had got home and I just wanted to go see him. So in the end we missed each other… shitty deal.  

But… I get home and I haven’t even gotten the door closed yet and Stuart comes running in. I have my arms full of stuff but apparently this doesn’t matter as he wrapped his arms around me and gave me one of the deepest kisses he’s ever done. Wow. And he’s all stubbly ’cause he didn’t shave in Calgary! Well he trimmed it but he’s got this… I don’t remember what it’s called? He’s got a goatee and then he’s got his sideburns running down along his chin to the goatee. Can you picture it? ‘Cause holy Hell it’s hot.

So yeah, in the end it was a good night ’cause I got my boyfriend back! LOL. I can’t believe how much I missed him. We were on the couch and he just scooted over and his arm around me. Awww. It sounds like he had a lot of fun so that’s great, but I think he’s happy to be home.

His mom gave me underwear. What exactly do you say to that? It’s kind of awkward… like, “Oh, your son will like these on me!” Ugh. She bought them not realizing they were size 8, not size 6, so that’s why she gave ‘em to me. But seriously… kind of awkward. I dunno, I think it’s awkward since I don’t really like her and thus don’t want to be in debt to her in any way. You know?

So I am definitely addicted to Garth Brooks’ new song. It’s amazing. I’m not usually a big Garth fan period, but <b>More Than A Memory</b> is incredible. Seriously… wow.

Well I’m gonna go tidy up and wait for Stuart to get home. I figure tonight will just be a lazy night, watch some Jack & Bobby and just relax.